Love Yourself First Sneak Peek

Synopsis:

After tragedy strikes, Felicia Arman abandons her life in New York City and finds herself back in her original home, Houston. With the skills of a classically trained ballerina, there are not too many jobs she could get right away. So, when her friend offers her a job at their local coffee shop she jumps at the opportunity.

One day she spots a familiar face from her past. He would love to help Felicia out, but she is a bit skeptical. After some negotiation back and forth, they come to come form of an agreement that will be pleasurable for both of them. The question is, can they keep things professional and refrain from falling for one another? Or will they fall victim to love?

On a journey to start fresh and love herself first, Felicia is faced with what falling for him would mean. But it is tempting to think of the possibility of what more could be without their contractual agreement. Does he feel the same? Or is this just business?

Characters

Felicia

She is so ambitious and follows her heart in whatever she does. She may find herself discouraged at times, but never for too long. She has a passion for ballet btu romance is what she craves, as best said to her by her twin sister. The love for Kenneth that grew was so unexpected for her.

Monica

Felicia’s twin sister. She has always been the advice giver, as she is a minute older and never hesitates to mention it to Felicia. She was such a bright soul and always knew how to approach a situation. She is also a great help to the family, as she was the closest when Felicia went off for ballet.

Kenneth

For a man who was so intrigued and fond of what could grow with him and Felicia, he was also a man who knew how to turn his feelings off to an extent. Giving in little by little to the allure of Felicia. With his smarts and observation skills, you would have thought he would see what was coming. He is learning that money doesn’t always buy affection.

Carmen

She is a pro with the makeup and aesthetics. She knows what looks good and what doesn’t. She is a great supportive friend and knows what she wants. She is a fortress not to be messed with as she is quick witted and stern on things she decides. The only things that make her vulnerable is her best friend and Xavier.

Xavier

He owns the coffee shop Carmen and Felcia work at. He has a love for it and for Carmen as well. He sometimes has a rough time reading Carmen and her emotions towards him, but ultimately, he is the only person who makes her melt. He is very smart and loves making people smile.

Caleb

He is very lost without Monica. After everything, he tries to hold onto some piece of peace that he used to have. He finds companionship in Felicia, in more ways than one. He is a great guy and has a love for ballet as well, and him and Felicia make a great duet.

Excerpt:

Chapter 6

The Decision

“It’s one twenty-three in the morning,” Carmen groggily said, dragging her slipper covered feet across the veneer-polished concrete floor. She blinked her sleepy eyes a couple of times adjusting to the abrasiveness of the kitchen light as she ambled over to one of the high stools at the bar. She yawned as she slid on the sit, her booty shorts rose higher up her thighs, but she was using all her awakened brain cells to figure out what her friend was doing.

“You’re making…” Carmen paused to stretch her mouth and emit another yawn that she didn’t shield, she wasn’t that awake to care about pleasantries. “Grilled cheese. What the fuck? Do you have a tapeworm or some shit?”

“I’m worm-free,” Felicia swirled away from the stove with her hand firmly around the handle of one of the skillets that rarely got used when Carmen lived alone. She performed a trick, with the flick of her wrist, she flipped the sandwich on its untanned side and once the butter kissed the hot surface it filled the gallery kitchen with sizzles. “Just need to think.”

Carmen nodded, scanning her eyes over the counter blanketed with several types of bread from rye to pumpernickel, then chuckled at the latter word before she found the assortment of cheeses on the opposite counter. Her humor drained once she saw the Gruyère and the mound of golden sandwiches beautifully stacked on the platter she borrowed from her mom. She had used it to make dinner for a date that wasn’t worth all the work she put into it, even if she undercooked the chicken and gave him a bit of salmonella.

“Think about what?” Carmen asked, sliding off the stool a little less sleep-deprived and a little more hungry. “Did your nightmares come back?”

Felicia shook her head as she moved to place the finished sandwich at the top of the sandwich pyramid she started meticulously constructing at or around midnight. She didn’t actually remember. Her mind was overwhelmed and consumed with the proposition Kenneth presented her with earlier.

 After he dropped her at the loft, she tried going to sleep but the rollout sofa bed that had granted her peaceful rest, on those nights she wasn’t stricken with nightmares, didn’t work its magic. She tossed and turned, feeling every one of the springs digging into her back, hip, and shoulder. She knew it wasn’t the bed that disrupted her sleep pattern, it was words and the allure of what could be.

“I didn’t have a nightmare,” she told, tipping the skillet and sliding the mozzarella-cheddar, tomato sandwich on the saucer Carmen held out happily for the answer she was able to give. Being terrorized by the images of your family sleeping soundly in their bed and trying to shake them awake only to have their beds turn to coffins and catch on fire wasn’t something she hoped to reoccur.

The therapy had worked, and they hadn’t been back for a handful of months and she was thankful for that. But now she was being haunted by something else. Something that whet her appetite and solved most of her problems with more precision than algebra ever could.

“Good,” Carmen said, breaking the corner off the sandwich. “But what’s got you up trying to be a chocolate-dipped Martha Stewart.” She pointed to the array of sandwiches before biting into her cheesy piece.

Felicia set the skillet on one of the cold burners of the stove before moving to the cutting board wondering if she should tell her friend about something she was going to have to turn down because it wasn’t the proper thing to do. Was it? But then again, her therapist did say talking about things was better than holding them in and letting them fester.

She turned away from the countertop and watched her friend take another bite of the sandwich and let it all spill. “I had dinner with Kenneth. We got to talking and I told him too much about my present situation. About technically being homeless and unable to live paycheck to paycheck because one paycheck doesn’t cover all my expenses and food. He offers to help me…well it’s more like a business arrangement. I, be his kinda girlfriend and he’ll take care of me.”

Carmen stopped chewing, frozen with her mouth open. Her blinking eyes, the only movement her body could execute as she digested the tsunami of words her friend flooded her with.

She closed her mouth, swallowed the food, and said, “Bitch….what?”

Felicia held her cheeks with mortification and some embarrassment from entertaining the thought of saying yes to his proposition. “I know I have to turn it down and—”

“Giiiiirrrlll,” Carmen sang the word as she viewed her friend with utter confusion. “You’re going to do what?”

“Tell him no.”

“Tell him no,” Carmen repeated the words as if they had to come from her own mouth for her to comprehend them, then she held her hand. “Let me get this straight, this rich ass, fine ass man that you had a connection with wants to take care of you and treat you like a girlfriend because your kinda-broke ass is sleeping on my couch…and you want to tell him, ‘no’.” Carmen’s head tilted, “Come again.”

Felicia’s eyebrows drew together as she slid her hands in the pockets of the sweatpants that swallowed up the lower half of her body. She ignored the ‘kinda-broke’ doing exactly what Carmen was referring to and there was no way she was ever going to toy with that thought. She was broke. She could never use that blood money. Carmen’s other words, however, struck her with utter confusion and she knew that her friend wasn’t fully understanding her.

“Wait. I don’t think you’re following me,” Felicia took a step closer to her friend. “He’s going to pay me and he’s going to probably want sex in return.”

“And?” Carmen blinked. “I’m not understanding the problem here. You—” She stopped and drilled her sight on her as if she discovered the answer to the world’s hardest riddle. “Are you a… virgin? No. You would’ve told me if you were. No.” Carmen shook her head realizing the truth, that they never really discussed that aspect of her life. She was the only one that went on about her boyfriends while Felicia was always a great listener.

“I’m not.” Felicia took in a deep breath; her shirtless chest rose as the white lace bralette stood out against her beautiful taut brown skin. Carmen looked at her with disbelief, so she repeated. “I’m not. I mean…uh…ballet was my life…and sex is…I’m not a virgin though… Does oral count?”

Carmen sorta shrugged, “As foreplay.”

Felicia let out a miserable groan then dropped her head in her hands. “This is why I have to say ‘no’. I can’t be some seductress. Rihanna, I am not.”

“Lecia,” Carmen took hold of her shoulders and waited for her to lift her eyes. “You were a dancer. I’ve seen you dance, and you have poise, grace, and a lot of sensuality. And so what, fine you’ve never had penetration. You were never a ‘black swan’ but you executed that routine as if you were one.”

“You’re saying I should fake it.”

Carmen nodded.

“But what do I do when…” Felicia’s eyebrows furrowed, “When he wants… you know.”

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